Tiny Achievements

I haven’t been working since last Friday. I didn’t think there were any days off over these Raya Holidays but it turned out that they don’t expect me to return to work until this Friday. Yippee!

I planned while I was asleep that I was going to walk to a supermarket nearby yesterday. After I got up, things were slow. My Mum finally left for Keningau to train a few teachers in the afternoon. Due to domestic politics, I was not invited to go with her. I wasted a whole 6 hours playing a game called Mahjong Titan when I was supposed to spend time tweaking my project. A couple of hours after she left, I was ready to head out. It was my first walking trip out of my neighbourhood. I walked a lot when I was in Australia. Here, the norm is to pop into a car to get anywhere.

The trip to the supermarket was shorter than imagined. Here in KK, there are no footpaths. Footpaths make walking less stressful. Convenience seems to be something bad over here. There’s no point hoping that the local government would start building footpaths or install a tram system just for me. I simply just have to make do. Even though there are no footpaths, there are roadside tracks used by the locals without cars and I just followed the uneven tracks. I got to the supermarket and bought a few packs of Arnott’s biscuits before returning home again. Once I got back to my bedroom, I felt good that I did it and the neighbourhood dogs didn’t even bother me one bit.

This morning, I decided to be a tad more adventurous than yesterday and planned a visit to the shops at Damai. I left home just before noon. It was hot and sunny. I visited Tong Hing first to get myself a magazine before popping over to Burger King for a Whopper meal. The place was clean and the air conditioner was full on. The staff was cheerful probably because they thought that I am a foreigner. After a game of Word Search, I finished my lunch, packed up my stuff and headed home. Walking in KK is like walking during Summer in Australia. It feels a bit like just before the cold change hits except that there’s never any cold change here. It is hot and sweaty work but I don’t mind one bit. To me, walking = freedom. I was near a family friend’s home when a car beeped at me. I didn’t recognize it and was debating as to whether to greet when it beeped me again. I rushed up to find my neighbour’s daughter sitting in the driver’s seat. She was giving me a lift but I politely declined. She stopped again later asking the same question and I declined again for a second time. I was enjoying my walk. Why would I join her and risk getting asked all sorts of questions regarding the X? So I kept walking and before I knew it… I was home.

I am very proud of getting out of the house by myself. I didn’t need anyone to give me a lift. No one had to wait for me. I was fine. The walking is good because I usually sleep better if I had been walking during the day. I will see if I could get to the library tomorrow. It will be good if I could. Or should I try Karamunsing Capital? The Vietnamese Cafe there probably serves Pho!

Carlton Is In. Go Blues

I watched my first match of AFL 2012 today. It was Carlton vs Essendon. Carlton won!!! The boys won by 96!!!! We are in the final 8!!!!!

I haven't been able to watch much TV this year due to ongoing domestic politics. Today I happen to be home instead of work because Raya is around the corner and with the school on holidays, the food court is not operating. I hogged the TV and watched the full match. 

The Bombers were a bit mean when they tore Judd's guernsey. That's almost nothing in comparison to witnessing Hird's face as his team bombed. LOL. Well, almost nothing... Something else more fun is watching Eddie's reaction when the Pies start to wobble. ROFL. 

Barracking for Team Me

When I was reading a copy of Cleo (Australian Magazine) the other day, I came across an article about being a personal cheerleader. I didn’t read it at first because I thought it was about cheerleading. I was thinking about American style cheerleading at sports events. The little box with a subtitle: How To Be A Successful Cheerleader caught my attention. I skimmed over the list and thought, “Hey, this is useful”.

I have a very aggressive Inner Critic within me that wrecks havoc. She is so mean on most days. She even changed her tactics after I returned to KK. Now she picks on me on things that she never used to. She makes me sad, stressed out, tired and doubtful. It is time to ditch her and embrace my Inner Cheerleader. I am sure that Miss Inner Critic will live on, working out ways to ‘kill’ me slowly but I need to let Miss Inner Cheerleader shine because she will definitely be helpful to me in my next move.

Here are the 6 steps from the article and my thoughts about them.

•    Accept your past and stop trying to change it. – A friend of mine whom I shall call Pommy Mike was the last person to ask me to accept the past and move on. He didn’t tell me how to move on and neither did he carry a couple of pom-poms when he said it. Guys are just not good with such details and I guess that I will just have to work it out myself. A desire to do so is very important. I absolutely accept my past mistakes and it is high time to keep going. There is no point in beating myself up for harsh words once spoken and irrevocable destructive actions. There are still many years ahead of me and I really need to make the most of them instead of staying stuck in my guilt for the rest of my life.

•    Observe your inner critic and know that what it says is just a thought – not a fact. – Another friend of mine whom I shall call Yankee Mike told me many times, “Those are just thoughts. There are not facts about the real you.” I always feel better after hearing that from him. May be I need to somehow remind myself of that daily.

•    Acknowledge all the things that you have done well in life. – Although I have done very little in life thus far, I do believe that I have done well in some things. Without my trusty sewing machine to turn many crafty ideas into reality and with little access to much needed resource, I truly believe in the project that I am developing in my spare time and can’t wait to ‘launch’ it soon. This little project started while I was still in Melbourne. It hibernated for years. I will write more about it later but please don’t hold your breath because it might go into hibernation if my life is interrupted once again.

•    Don’t worry about what others think of you – learn to approve of yourself and others will quickly follow. – I admit that I do worry about what others think of me. Because I am different, I have always felt that I need to be a certain way to be accepted. It has never been easy to live up to my Mum’s expectations too. Boy was I hurt when this woman (from Sandakan) told me bluntly late last year that I do not make a good Kindergarten teacher because I spoke too softly. The kids heard me perfectly OK. The woman probably didn’t hear me because she was in another room. Aren’t we adults supposed to encourage acceptable behaviours via how we behave ourselves? Indoor voices for indoor use and louder voices for outdoor use? Does anyone agree? I need to approve my own techniques so others may follow when they see my results.

•    If there are people in your life that weigh you down, set out clear boundaries about what you can and can’t do for them. – I have been living in my childhood home since I returned last year. With my Dad gone, there are 3 others that live here with me and the person that I find the hardest to gel with is my Mother’s live in helper. She has worked for us for close to 2 decades and she seems to think that she is now a family member with extra privileges. It took me a while to realize that I could set boundaries. I pick and choose what I would or wouldn’t do but the boundary lines are sometimes blurred because she is super cunning.

•    Drop unrealistic expectations, and accept the wonderful woman that you are. – I need to get it in my head that no one on Earth should change to suit me because that will only make that person sad overtime. It is a different story if the person chooses to do so personally. It is unrealistic for me to expect the locals to accept my ways 100%. On the other hand, I am beginning to accept the wonderful woman that I could be. A few characters at work are very convincing. They make me feel like I am ‘beautiful’. I used to brush their efforts away but lately, I caught myself believing that may be I am quite a Wonder Woman. LOL.

Wow, this is turning into a very long post. Before I head off to my promised mug of hot Milo, I need to declare that the 6 steps mentioned above were compiled by a coaching psychologist named Lisa Walsh. I hope that she doesn’t mind me quoting them here in my blog.