Missed That One Day in September

I get excited when September approaches. Over in Melbourne, it marks the beginning of Spring. Everything looks brighter and less gloomy. The blue skies reappear. In September in Melbourne, I would also wait for the supplement in the paper listing all the show bags for the year’s Royal Melbourne Show. When we were younger, we would spend up like fools. Then we got older and I think we bought the cheapest show bag when we were at the show the last time. I think it was that chocolate beetle bag (Bertie Beetle?). LOL.

September also marks the end of the footy season. Things get very exciting if you live close to Fed Square and the Casino. We would turn up outside the Casino on Brownlow night just to see the celebrities driving past or walking in. I remember waving to Jim Stynes one year and he waved back at me with a big smile from his 4WD. We would turn up at Fed Square multiple times in the final week to queue for freebies (e.g. chocolates, lollies, autographs, Coke Zero, Sherrin Footballs, etc). LOL. Ok, some people may find it boring but I was having a ball every year. I love to be among the people that turn up in the city during that time of the year. Melbourne wakes up from its Winter slumber during the AFL Grand Final week.

Getting tickets to watch the Grand Final match at the MCG is very expensive. Carlton hadn’t played a Grand Final game in a long time and even if I was given free tickets, I may not turn up to watch the Colliewobbles. So, the cheapest way to enjoy Grand Final day, other than to watch it at home, is to watch it at Fed Square. We would sit on the steps outside Chocolate Buddha and would have a good view of the giant screen. The people that turn up are usually friendly. A few cheeky monkeys may attempt to create a scene but there were always many police officers around to keep things calm. Rain, hail or shine, we would sit there and enjoy the full game. Well almost always. One year we had to run home during half time because the rain was really pouring. LOL. The year when Collingwood tied with St Kilda was the most fun. I nearly died of excitement. I just wanted the game to keep going. In the final seconds when there was confusion, people stood up hoping that the game would go on. The big truckie next to me urged me to stand up because it might keep going. I was thinking that the St Kilda boys might struggle to keep going because they looked all so tired. Had the game continued, they wouldn’t need to come back 7 days later for another match because Collingwood was just too good that year.

Yesterday was that very special day in September, in Australia. I was required to work but I made arrangement to leave early so I could watch the game at home. Having lived in Melbourne longer than I have in Malaysia, I also wished that the trophy didn’t end up in Sydney. Unfortunately a few things happened at work in the last couple of weeks and we are desperately short of workers as a result of that. Things are bound to become worse at home. So despite approval from two ‘bosses’ that I was allowed to leave early, I stayed for the full shift to avoid getting picked on by my ‘third boss’, who is technically an employee. I missed the match. I did watch the ABC news and learnt that Sydney took the trophy home. That was a disappointment. As for work, it will be all hands on deck for the rest of the school year. It also means that the stress levels will increase. God, please help me to

get through it.

The Sexpert @ Work

A few weeks ago, Voonie (the work pest) looked me in the eye and apologized for calling me a ‘spinster’ a couple of months ago. I thought that she was remorseful and accepted the unexpected apology. Then midweek this week, after I have teased her a little in the morning, Voonie was in the mood to bully again. She asked a co-worker to find me a hubby ASAP for I was apparently in need of one desperately. And on that very afternoon, Voonie turned into a sexpert all of a sudden when it was time to tidy up. She was probably thinking that she was only educating a couple of unknowing spinsters.

The woman suddenly picked up a leftover hotdog. She removed the frankfurt from the bun and with the frankfurt still covered in cheesy sauce, she flicked it around and said, “Let me show you how to wash a L****** (penis).” I was at the sink washing cups and Voonie was demonstrating her skill at the sink next to me. The act was gross but Voonie’s facial expression was worse. If washing the frankfurt in a lewd way was bad, what she did next was even worse. Picking it up with her thumb and index finger, Voonie proceeded to suck one end. Her facial expression nearly made me puke instantly. Discussing or viewing a simulated oral sex act was not something I anticipate to do in public anytime soon but it was happening whether I liked it or not. I pleaded for the woman to stop because a few teens were watching and the whole act was also caught on CCTV! The actress was too excited to stop what she was demonstrating. She just kept going. She was feeling high probably because she thought that she is super skilled in this as she is married. Internally, I was laughing at the poor woman but externally, I acted like I was shocked. Seriously though, I am still truly disgusted.

The whole ugly saga reminds me of a student from KL who asked me if I knew how to use the gearstick when I was at university. I was a pretty sheltered young adult but while I fully understood the act behind the slang, I didn’t understand the slang at the time. So, I told her that I wasn’t driving yet. LOL. It turned out that the slang is to do with one’s ability in masturbating a male partner. For those young women, achieving that is a milestone to mark ‘maturity’. LOL. People tend to have some weird worldly ideas as they grow up.

As for Voonie, I have decided that she is a few cards short of a full deck. God made her the way she is and I suppose God loves her just as much as the next person. After that incident, I say a little prayer each morning before work to help me refrain from teasing her too much about her work because she might get all worked up again. Voonie seems to want to let everyone know that she is ahead because she is married and thus WANTED. She also seems to be unable to resist reminding me that I am a spinster and thus UNWANTED.

Wouldn’t It Be Nice? 1.

On the fifth day of the Chinese New Year (the day after Australia Day), my Mum, her helper and I went on a day trip. It was my first visit to the Mt Kinabalu National Park in more than 20 years. The park wasn’t the main destination. The War Memorial in Kundasang was. I had wanted to go on Australia Day but we were too busy. I was missing Melbourne a lot and for some weird reason, I had wanted to go to the War Memorial to ‘tell’ Nelson Short that I miss Australia. I did just that in front of his poem. The experience didn’t heal my heartache completely but I did feel a bit better.

We drove past the Mountain before we got to Kundasang. She looked just as big as when I was little. The air was just as refreshing. I have forgotten all about the multiple waterfalls. Looking at them was like a first time experience. I didn’t miss the Mountain all that much while I was away but after the trip, I did wonder how I could have forgotten this place that had given me many happy moments during my childhood. I also saw the white clouds shrouding the mountain top soon after. Apparently the souls of the people live there. I wondered if the souls of many Aussies who died during WWII also live there…

On the way home, my thoughts drifted to the very few times when I saw children playing outside in Malaysia. I don’t mean playing on busy roads. I mean playing in the front yard or at the park / playground. I have even seen a few children attending daycare centres who appeared to have not played outdoors all their lives because they are as white as Casper. Local parents seem not as morbidly afraid of pedophiles or child abductions but the warm, sticky weather could be the reason why they stay indoors.

Playing outdoors at the Kinabalu Park would be a different experience. The climate is cooler. The Sun also seems to be less punishing. It is also an opportunity for kids to get close to nature. Imagine a reasonably big piece of land designated for families or anyone to enjoy the great outdoors. A park accessible by car only at the entrance with multiple bike trails and picnic spots would be fantastic, don’t you think? A club house equipped with top class bathroom facilities to show the world that we know how to use proper toilets would come in handy. The club house could also double as an information centre to answer visitors’ questions.

There should be a vehicle renting service renting all sorts of pedal powered vehicles from basic mountain bikes to tricycles to recumbent bikes to even hand pedaled tricycles, to cater to a wide range of needs. Safety gear should be available for rent too to encourage visitors to take precautions.

While there should be different bike trails to suit different levels of fitness, it would also be great for the massive park to have multiple adventure playgrounds for children of different ages. I am thinking of Kompan – a Danish play equipment company. I absolutely love Kompan Supernova. For locals wishing to experience a real Kompan playground, take your little kids to Perdana Park now. No, I am not referring to the big colourful playground next to the road opposite the Air Asia terminal. This Kompan surprise is hiding behind the cafes. The Kompan range for older kids is even more fun. Imagine we have such playgrounds at the national park! Imagine if Kompan would design a Space Net unit that looks quite a bit like Mt Kinabalu for pint size mountaineers! That would be fun, fun, fun, don’t you agree?

By the time my Mum’s battered old car reached Tamparuli, my mind was busy adding other types of activities that could benefit Sabahan children. Imagine a place offering basic circus skills during school holidays. Imagine Sabahan children soaring through the air like a daring acrobat. Isn’t it just wonderful to witness their delighted faces? Sure, such an activity probably doesn’t help a child in scoring A’s in exams but surely Sabahan children are entitled to have fun like many children in developed nations.