The Sexpert @ Work

A few weeks ago, Voonie (the work pest) looked me in the eye and apologized for calling me a ‘spinster’ a couple of months ago. I thought that she was remorseful and accepted the unexpected apology. Then midweek this week, after I have teased her a little in the morning, Voonie was in the mood to bully again. She asked a co-worker to find me a hubby ASAP for I was apparently in need of one desperately. And on that very afternoon, Voonie turned into a sexpert all of a sudden when it was time to tidy up. She was probably thinking that she was only educating a couple of unknowing spinsters.

The woman suddenly picked up a leftover hotdog. She removed the frankfurt from the bun and with the frankfurt still covered in cheesy sauce, she flicked it around and said, “Let me show you how to wash a L****** (penis).” I was at the sink washing cups and Voonie was demonstrating her skill at the sink next to me. The act was gross but Voonie’s facial expression was worse. If washing the frankfurt in a lewd way was bad, what she did next was even worse. Picking it up with her thumb and index finger, Voonie proceeded to suck one end. Her facial expression nearly made me puke instantly. Discussing or viewing a simulated oral sex act was not something I anticipate to do in public anytime soon but it was happening whether I liked it or not. I pleaded for the woman to stop because a few teens were watching and the whole act was also caught on CCTV! The actress was too excited to stop what she was demonstrating. She just kept going. She was feeling high probably because she thought that she is super skilled in this as she is married. Internally, I was laughing at the poor woman but externally, I acted like I was shocked. Seriously though, I am still truly disgusted.

The whole ugly saga reminds me of a student from KL who asked me if I knew how to use the gearstick when I was at university. I was a pretty sheltered young adult but while I fully understood the act behind the slang, I didn’t understand the slang at the time. So, I told her that I wasn’t driving yet. LOL. It turned out that the slang is to do with one’s ability in masturbating a male partner. For those young women, achieving that is a milestone to mark ‘maturity’. LOL. People tend to have some weird worldly ideas as they grow up.

As for Voonie, I have decided that she is a few cards short of a full deck. God made her the way she is and I suppose God loves her just as much as the next person. After that incident, I say a little prayer each morning before work to help me refrain from teasing her too much about her work because she might get all worked up again. Voonie seems to want to let everyone know that she is ahead because she is married and thus WANTED. She also seems to be unable to resist reminding me that I am a spinster and thus UNWANTED.