Feeling Disconnected

At a time when I should be feeling nervous because I will be the English MC for the graduation ceremony in 6 days time, I am feeling disconnected instead. I feel like I so don't understand the people around me. At work, I had been playing the role of a goofball for about two months in an effort to get people to relax and not to 'fear' me because of who my Mum is. My 'childish' pranks had backfired somehow. People now think that I am a bit of an airhead and that my parents' investment in my education had all gone to waste. To some, they are now even more convinced that western education doesn't work. 

I don't get it why they love seeing me as foreign. I don't get it why they focus on my crazy bits and to blame all that on western influence. I don't get it how it is any of their business whether if I contribute any portion of my pay to my Mum. And I definitely do not get it that I am at fault because my Mum fell over while plucking chillies. 

Why can’t these people just relax? Why can’t they just take things less seriously? Why is every mistake or accident treated like it is the end of the world? Why is everyone so Goddamn scared of everything they have to do? Why apply so much pressure?

I think that I will lay low in this coming week. I will do my own things and prep the children for their English exams in the last week of October. Yeah, 4 year olds are sitting for their end of year English exams in 9 days!  How very exciting? Those pesky little things had better ace the papers or the ‘foreigner’ would be deemed a failure in teaching English. As for my first MC gig on the 25^th, I think that I should be OK. I don’t feel nervous at all.