I don't remember if I ever declare to the world that I was dumped a few years ago. So here's the basic info. After a little over 16 years of relationship, I was dumped by the X in late 2011. With that, I effectively became a Sheng Nu (leftover woman).
It is especially hard being a Sheng Nu (剩女） at this time of the year. People who are keen to judge are at the ready to have a bloody good chinwag regarding my predicament. Oh, they have every right to be concerned. I shouldn't let their interest bother me too much as they are just looking out for me. They hand me an angpow and before I get to put it away, the heated discussion on the need to find a man starts. Things will be easier after tomorrow - Valentine's Day - a day for people like me not to be seen in public. I did entertain the idea of wearing a t-shirt with the logos Sheng Nu in HanYuPinYin and in Chinese characters but no, I don't have the guts yet.
Being a Sheng Nu is painful especially at my age. If I am seen with females, some people are quick to say that I am a lesbian and if the females are young, they might even say that I am grooming young lesbians. If I am in the company of males, I am quickly deemed to be a slut even if the guys are too hot to want someone like me. And if I happen to walk alongside a married male, I could quickly be seen as a home wrecker. But if I hang out with older females, people quickly fear for my Mum because I am obviously too clueless to realize how bad it is to be an unmarried aunty （老姑婆）.
So, what should I do? Should I just lock myself in the bedroom? Should I look for work elsewhere? If I continue to isolate myself from the rest of the world, my Mum fears that I might go mental. I really need to know if I am being a bad daughter if I return to Australia... For the sake of my happiness, my Mum hinted that I should go but she probably wasn't telling the truth... What should I do? It is hard living as a sheng nu. It is heartbreaking working as an unappreciated teacher. Is it too late to make a career change? Do you think that I have the time to train for another type of work? Is anyone going to answer me?
I started to follow your blog today. Then I went to watch a movie. Only after I came back did I realize that simply following you and reading updates of your suffering is like going to a zoo (The movie had nothing to do with my realization. It was about pedophiles and it was scary). Is it really that hard to ignore people? My sister says the same kinda stuff you are saying. I never really understood her though. I think you should do the opposite of locking yourself in the bedroom. I am not sure if I understand you and your mom's location correctly but I think if you need a break from all this, why not chill at home for sometime?(If its possible). Maybe come back and start fresh. You always have time to train for something new.
ReplyDeleteI am writing all of this so that people would read my blog and I will have many many friends. Just kidding. I'm in a pretty messed up situation as well. Writing this made me feel better. READ MY BLOG THOUGH!
Hello Curiosity,
DeleteThanks for visiting my blog.
It has always been hard for me to face / accept criticisms.
In terms of work, I am used to receiving praises in the past. Here, I simply do not get much appreciation. In fact, I feel like I wasn't trained in my field. Oh well...
I did not see your reply. I thought I would get a notification or something. Anyway, I had to suffer an evil co-worker during my last job. Just plain evil. This dude made my life there so horrible that I actually stopped liking the work. He single handedly made me slightly hate the job that I liked. Bear in mind that a job in my field is hard to come by and I had to struggle to earn a degree in it. I had several times thought about doing the right thing which is to have a personal talk with him and find out what is bothering him so much but I did not have the guts to do it. Anyway I have moved on. Better job(In the same field). New place. Good people(Still struggling with the language though). My point is that your work environment plays an important part. Yeah criticisms are tough. People who give them think they themselves are so perfect! On the other hand even the slightest appreciation could actually help you perform better. http://cmster.com/media/48i7qL8nma455601v8jDr2J6647i8602w9517eL76t758AUd7Q41Bf499v728034.jpg
DeleteSorry for this rant. I should have done this on my blog!
Hello Nikola,
ReplyDeleteI like platform games from the 90's. I used to play them like crazy on Nintendo and Sega. Thanks for dropping by.
You are not a leftover woman, stop thinking that way. You are a new and wonderfully free woman with a chance for a new start in life. It is never too late to learn something new if you want to change careers, go in that direction if that is what you want. Learning new things is always good for all. If moving is what you want to do, then do so but give it a lot of thought as to where you want to go. Maybe someplace new that you've never been would be great too, just think about it. Last but not least, do what you want to do and don't let rude and hurtful words from others lead you. Again, you are not a leftover woman. You are new, wonderful and special and you deserve a new start in life, be it where you are or someplace else. Start living, breathing, laughing, crying and enjoying all that life has to offer. Praying for you. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you for dropping by my blog. Thanks for the encouragement. Your comment reminded me of 2Corinthians 5:17.
ReplyDeleteI Know how you feel, it hurts when you love someone and they do not return that love. i have been there and know to well that feeling.That is really all I have to say.
ReplyDelete