Decisions, Decisions

My Mum recently hinted (somewhat strongly) that maybe I should return to University to improve my career prospects. I think that she believes that it will be a piece of cake for me. According to what I heard, my Mum apparently missed out on attending University because she was a girl. I was given plenty of opportunities and at one point, there was even a scholarship dangling in front of my face, I made the stupid mistake of not completing my studies because I was pre-occupied with something else. Now, I am old and lacking that piece of paper, an Undergraduate Degree, to help me get going. It is a sad reality that I need a piece of paper issued by a University to get around.

I work as a dish pig. My workday usually starts at around 8:00 am and ends around 6:00 pm. The shift is longer on some days. When I get home, there are a few minor chores that I have to attend to before anything else. Evenings are usually spent in the living room so I look ‘sociable’ and not tucked in my bedroom until it is really bedtime. 10:00 pm is usually my bedtime. The question that comes to mind is how do I fit my studies in if I do University? I can’t see myself studying in the living room in the evenings because the commotion will be 100% distracting. My Mum and her helper watch a lot of TV with the volume on full blast.

University is a big commitment. If I sign up again, I would dearly like to complete it this time but how can I do it? The scene at home is constantly changing. People may be supportive at the time I sign up to a course but may change periodically to ‘make things interesting’. If I am seen to get extra leeway, someone might turn the tide against me temporarily and I am likely to be affected by that. I am nearly 40 and at my age, I should have been contributing to this family for nearly 30 years. So, I shouldn’t be seen slacking by studying. In the eyes of some people, attempting University at my age is just plain childish. If a young person attending University full time is afforded time and space to work on it, shouldn’t an older person be entitled to that as well?

At this stage, I simply don’t trust the people around me to make the move to apply. I know that there are many hurdles in life but people sometimes invent hurdles for others just for the fun of it and that is what I fear most. Things might be different if I could move out. At my own place, I can work on my studies anyway I like. I could skip a meal to complete an assignment without my Mum freaking out or offending the person that cooks the dinner. I could work past 10: 00 pm without distracting others who are heading to bed at that time. I could work away without looking like I am anti-social for not accompanying my Mum in the evenings. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to move out as a dish pig. I am just not making enough dough. I could do more work but if I do that then I won’t have many hours left to do University. There are only 24 hours in a day.